Shhh...it is a secret blog! Well, except that you found it.

I made this blog years ago, wrote a few things, and then never came back, until today (queue dramatic "dun dun dun" music)! Are blogs supposed to start off with a "why I blog" blog post? I don't think that I have ever actually read anyone's first blog post before (shrug). Either way, below is a little explanation about why I am going to start doing this, and why I will most likely never tell anyone about it, yet all the while not keeping it private, interesting.

Mostly this blog is going to be about art, with a little bit of me and buddy boy sprinkled in. I am writing it with the hope that it will help encourage me to paint more. Maybe over time the blog will change into something more personal, or rather, more about my own adventures, but for now mostly just about art. I think....

Art and I have an interesting relationship. I graduated in art history with a minor in art, got a big person job for seven years, and then went back to school (while working full time, not fun) to finish a BFA and a minor in chemistry. The plan was to get ready for a masters in art restoration, but then I got married and plans kind of changed. I did get into the BFA program I applied to, but it was frustrating to say the least. The program I was enrolled in was drama filled (art professors can be crazy) and not super helpful. I quit my job last year, and now I just quit school. I feel that recently I have been floundering. The past five months have been mega downers for no reason in particular, except that I have had a ton of time and have no paintings to show for it. This has lead to a lot of interpersonal exploration. I don't know why I keep refusing to paint, because I love it, but I think I have happened upon a possible reason: my mom and grandma. 

Two really great people, who are also really great passive-aggressive manipulators. Without getting into too much detail, I think I have been rebelling for years, big time, against their guilt ridden manipulation to get me to go into art. The problem is that I think that I actually really do want to go into art. Weird I know right? What can I say? 

I want to start this blog as a way to hold me accountable to my art as well as a way to work out my feelings about choosing art verses being guilted into art. I need to start seeing me doing art as a way of using my agency and not as a way of giving into them and them winning. 

I am also going through a change with my style, which is frustrating, but I know I just need to push through and get her done. This change, coupled with the fact that I am painfully shy, makes it difficult for me to show my art to others. Keeping this blog secret, but not private, is a way for me to "show" my new work, without actually showing it.    

Sooo... here we go!