well, that sucks

Today, tonight, just a few minutes ago actually, I made my mother-in-law laugh. A hysterical, ridiculous, deep belly laugh. Those kind that once they start the laugher has no control over the laugh and it just keeps going. It was hilarious. Not what I said, mind you, but her.

Last post was a long, long time ago. Super short story: Cousin rejected brother in Lehi and refused to move in with him, moved back in with us, has lived a full month longer than doctor's expectations, is doing much, much, much better than doctor's expectations and next week, next Thursday to be exact, should be stepping aboard a plane, off to the land of Colorado, to live out his final days, however long those days may be, with his family.

The past two weeks have been particularly difficult, my stress eating has soared (and yes it is still weird to me that word does not have a "w") to new heights. I like to eat, like lots of people, but you know on those documentaries about addictive eating habits, where people are all, "I eat to comfort myself, or to feel better," well it turns out I, although I thought I did, never knew really what that meant. I don't feel it all the time, but there were two days last week where I fully knew that eating three bowls of ice cream, went through a carton in two days, was the only way that I was going to make it that day.

No joke, no poking fun, no hyperbole. For the first time in my life, I needed food to be something beyond good tasting, or fuel for my body. I needed that ice cream (yogurt of course, I am sadly lactose intolerant) to be love and comfort and to help me feel better. And it did just that, it made me feel better.

That brings me to what I said tonight. Mother-in-law and I are making up her blow up mattress bed (sidenote: Husband's mom is Cousin's aunt. She flew out the day before Cousin got out of the hospital and with the exception of a week's time, during which she went to her father's funeral, she has been living on our blow up mattress. It has been almost two months now.) and I am having a super hard time putting the fitted sheet over the side of the mattress. We are tired, it is only 9:30 and we are both ready for bed, and as I am fighting with this sheet I say, "Why is this so hard?" I feel she may have thought that question incapsulated our current life story and just laughed. Laughed a lot, for a long time, and couldn't move she was laughing so hard. It was awesome.  

From Tragic to Nothing

Last week Cousin was given six months to live. Yesterday they gave him weeks, as in he most likely will not make it to February. His brother is here from California, his sister is here from Colorado, and today they want to move all of his stuff out of our place. Brother in Lehi doesn't want Cousin to pass away in the house he is currently house sitting, and since a medical bed would not be able to make it up the three flights to our door, not to mention the narrow nature of said stairs, forget about whether or not Cousin could make it up the stairs.... and well it looks like Cousin is going to a hospice center. I really don't want that, I want him home, but everything is so completely out of our hands now that we have little room to demand.

Cousin seems to like the idea of a hospice place, somewhere he can get 24/7 care from professionals. (sigh) Obviously on paper a hospice center seems right, but in my brain, I don't like it.

From Horrible to Tragic

On Monday Cousin looked like he was doing really well. We were hoping that he was going to be able to come home on Friday. He was getting up and eating solid foods and he wants to fight.. all good things. Husband and I decided that we needed some more sleep and didn't go up Tuesday or Wednesday. Husband went up today, my brother came into town last night, and things are not good.

He is regressing. They are not sure if he is having seizures or had a stroke. They are doing an EEG test now and then he will have an MRI. His speech is slurred and he can't think right. He thought he heard me talking outside his room yesterday, so he got up to go find me. The doctor that found him wondering around told Cousin that we were not there and Cousin thought the doctor was joking with him.

Painting things doesn't seem so important right now, you know? I would still like to try to get something into the Hogle Zoo thing. We shall see. His cancer has been officially diagnosed as stage 4. I feel lost a little bit. Everything seems so unsure.

From Worse to Horrible

Saturday before last we found Cousin unconscious. Called 911. His liver was super failing because he hadn't been taking his medication for at least two weeks. (I wanted to jump down his throat when he told us that.) He was unconscious until Tuesday. He woke up Tuesday afternoon, on Thursday doctors removed his colon, they found metastasized colon cancer, and now he can no longer get a liver transplant. He is now terminal.

The past week and a half has been a lot of driving up to the transplant center an hour away. He was originally taken to the hospital five blocks from my house, but then quickly transferred there to be with his doctors. He spent most of the time in the ICU. 

Living close a hospital means that we hear a lot of rushing by ambulances and fire trucks. Before they were just there, then after last week it was a relief that they weren't coming to my house, but now I feel a sense of dread for the future 911 calls that will be made. 

Meaning, that yet again I have not been painting. We have been spending nights up at the hospital and most of the day. Yesterday I finally had some time to sit down and finish the gray kitten. I will post that soon. My stress level has reached all types of new levels. Lack of sleep mixed with crazy life means that I crash hard at random times during the day. 

He is still in the hospital, and may be getting out this weekend? We shall see. 

THE FINGERS: Part 2

Toned the board with a nice mint green, and then I transferred the drawing and established the shadows in burnt sienna:

The image is a little dark, I must not have had the light on... but again, just a start.

Gray Kitten: Part 3

Yesterday I got this far with kitten (not much further from the last time, but still):

Over the past two days I have stared at it more than painted it, oops, but I couldn't shake that I needed to add another color. There needed to be more!! By the end of the day yesterday I had decided that strawberries were the answer. I even had a good image picked out, but then I did this today:

I really like how the green finished off the color scheme, I may have also gone a little green leaf happy but I think I like it. Things to still do: finish the leaves, add the yellow stamen to the flowers, and finish off the background. If in the end a darker background does not make the kitten pop like I am hoping it will, I will also do a light glaze of zinc white, hopefully that will solve the problem.

Mr. T: Part 3

Finally actually started doing something with Mr. T yesterday. Established some darks and now it is time to go at it!

Also, puppy has creepy eyes!