Dear John: Stargazer Lilly part 4

The past two days I have not painted. Friday was more mega family drama, which hopefully means no family drama for at least a week, right? (sigh) Saturday morning I was supposed to go on a hike with my husband and his friend, but I bailed. I was pretty emotionally drained and ended up sleeping in until almost 11:00.

Husband and friend hiked to Lake Blanche, in SLC. Husband said that it was his most favorite hike ever, probably because he saw a moose. I was a little sad to miss out an such a great hike, however it was probably better that I slept and we are going to go back next Saturday. 

Here are some photos of the hike:

 I did end up working out and cleaning the house, and when he got back we went to my mom's to watch the BYU football game. My newest niece also took her first crawling...shuffles? It was pretty great. 

Today church is cancelled for the rededication of the Ogden Temple, I think? We did not go, because we are lazy, however, I did paint! 

Lilly after about another 3 hours: 

I think that I am just about done with it, even though it is more stylized than I would like it to be. A few things that I still need to do: finish the background, finish the leaves, paint a light purple gray glaze over the bud to help it recede a little bit (and probably add some shadow to lower half as well), decide if I want to add more white to the lower, center petal, and finally add the little dark spots/spikes of color that are so characteristic to a lilly.  

I did end up graying the purple shadows just a bit, which I do like more. I also really like the way the painting looks from about 10 feet away. It looks like an actual flower, which makes me happy, however, as you move closer...not so much. 

In the end, even though I don't super love it, I still feel that it is a solid step towards where I want my art to go.  

Dear John: Stargazer Lilly part 3

Yesterday the universe did not want me to paint. I got up early, worked out, got dressed, and was ready to go... but then several people called me. I don't super love talking on the phone, and most people know this about me. Those who called me yesterday all know this, so when one of them calls me, I pick up. That coupled with hours of weird family drama and I gave up.

Today, however, was a different story. I was a complete lazy pile, slept in, didn't work out, didn't shower until super late in the day (which then turned into a lavender bubble bath), and I had hours to paint. Go figure.

Lilly after about, I think, five more hours:

It is beginning to come along, which is nice; although I don't super love it, which is not so nice. At one point I added blue to the shadows on a petal and this turned the shadow into a darker purplish mixture. I thought I liked it, so on impulse did it to all of the shadows. :( 

It looks fine, but too stylized, which is exactly from what I am trying to move away. (groan) Too bad that didn't stop me from continuing down stylized lane today. Bright side #1, it at least looks like a flower. Bright side #2, the flower looks bright and happy, which is a good thing. Maybe I will let the shadows dry and then paint back over them. 

Dear John: Stargazer Lilly part 2

Lilly after about another 3 hours:

Now that I have the beginning layer of the background blocked in, I don't love the upper right petal. I think I may shrink it down. I also cannot decide if the middle right petal is creating a little bit of tension by being too close to the edge. It may just be that the blue circling the petal is the problem? I will have to think on this.  

Dear John

My family is so mixed up that I usually tease and call us the "true American nuclear family." My father has been married three times and my siblings are as follows, from oldest to youngest: JG (from first wife), C (first wife), JW (step sister from third wife), me, M and E (twins and my only full sisters), S (third wife), and MG (the only boy also from third wife).

My twin sisters are, as cliche as it may sound, two of my best friends, but with the rest I have varying levels of a relationship. One relationship that circumstance has never lent to being very deep, but oddly strong is the one I have with my oldest sister, JG.

JG's husband passed away in August due to brain cancer. It was expected, but still devastating. I felt out of place at John's life ceremony, wanting to support, but not entirely sure how. When I got home I decided to paint her a painting, as a way to show my love. It is of her favorite flower, a stargazer lilly.

Here is the painting after four hours:

Shhh...it is a secret blog! Well, except that you found it.

I made this blog years ago, wrote a few things, and then never came back, until today (queue dramatic "dun dun dun" music)! Are blogs supposed to start off with a "why I blog" blog post? I don't think that I have ever actually read anyone's first blog post before (shrug). Either way, below is a little explanation about why I am going to start doing this, and why I will most likely never tell anyone about it, yet all the while not keeping it private, interesting.

Mostly this blog is going to be about art, with a little bit of me and buddy boy sprinkled in. I am writing it with the hope that it will help encourage me to paint more. Maybe over time the blog will change into something more personal, or rather, more about my own adventures, but for now mostly just about art. I think....

Art and I have an interesting relationship. I graduated in art history with a minor in art, got a big person job for seven years, and then went back to school (while working full time, not fun) to finish a BFA and a minor in chemistry. The plan was to get ready for a masters in art restoration, but then I got married and plans kind of changed. I did get into the BFA program I applied to, but it was frustrating to say the least. The program I was enrolled in was drama filled (art professors can be crazy) and not super helpful. I quit my job last year, and now I just quit school. I feel that recently I have been floundering. The past five months have been mega downers for no reason in particular, except that I have had a ton of time and have no paintings to show for it. This has lead to a lot of interpersonal exploration. I don't know why I keep refusing to paint, because I love it, but I think I have happened upon a possible reason: my mom and grandma. 

Two really great people, who are also really great passive-aggressive manipulators. Without getting into too much detail, I think I have been rebelling for years, big time, against their guilt ridden manipulation to get me to go into art. The problem is that I think that I actually really do want to go into art. Weird I know right? What can I say? 

I want to start this blog as a way to hold me accountable to my art as well as a way to work out my feelings about choosing art verses being guilted into art. I need to start seeing me doing art as a way of using my agency and not as a way of giving into them and them winning. 

I am also going through a change with my style, which is frustrating, but I know I just need to push through and get her done. This change, coupled with the fact that I am painfully shy, makes it difficult for me to show my art to others. Keeping this blog secret, but not private, is a way for me to "show" my new work, without actually showing it.    

Sooo... here we go!