Thoughts of, "Do I really want to be an artist, no obviously not because I am sitting on the couch watching another episode of Project Runway, and not painting, I am a bad person," ran through my head. Happily though, on Monday of this week I woke up and I was like ready to go. I felt so good and painted for like ten hours and it was marvelous. Turns out when one has been sick for weeks at a time it starts to feel like one isn't really all that sick and just a big pile of lard.
I have been painting this week and I have pictures to share (I have even been working on Blue Kitten) and I have an idea that I want to talk about and then husband's cousin texted husband today.
Cousin is very sick. Super sick. He was born with a bad liver/liver situation and he once told me that he will only get a liver transplant when he is about to die, because his new liver may develop the same problems as his old liver, etc etc. He has been in and out of the hospital several times over the five years I have known him, and he just told us that he is getting said liver transplant, and that at the same time they are going to be removing large amounts of his colon.
To compound the problem, he has been living, for free, with one of his best friends and family. I don't believe he is working right now, because he is so sick, but he can't move back home to Colorado right now because of insurance things and he needs these surgeries. The problem is that friend and friend's wife are getting a divorce and he needs a place to stay. That place is here with us.
Our apartment is super nice, but super small. Like really small. I paint in our second bedroom, which is were cousin would be. I have painted out in the living room when I had an assignment due and husband's mom was visiting. But I was also in school at the time, so I spent most of my time painting at school so I didn't have to paint at home. I don't have the school option anymore, and I only have like a 2'x2' space between the couch and our table. I guess we could put the table in storage and just eat on the couch?
When husband's brother and wife and kid showed up on our doorstep for about a month, I painted at my mom's house, but my sister and her family are currently living with my mom. So that isn't an option. Maybe my mom will let me build a shed in her backyard and I could paint there...throughout the Utah winter cold.
So just in case either you or I don't understand why I am a bad person, lets list the reasons:
I am sad that I won't have my painting space, but I am happy to help cousin, because I love him so. I am scared of taking care of a sick person, both before and after surgery. These things scare me. Like old people, sometimes old people make me feel very uncomfortable. Another reason I am a bad person. I wonder how long cousin will stay with us (this isn't a one month type of gig), because I am a bad person. I am worried about money, and how having a new person will affect that. I am sad that this may mean my sister can't stay with me when she comes out for Christmas, and also wondering where she will stay, or if they will even come if my place is not an option. They can't afford a hotel for that long. I can't afford to put them up in a hotel for that long. And then there is my dad coming out, but he can most definitely afford a hotel.
And what about working out? I hate working out in front of people (this is me whining now). And I have been so good about painting all week. And now I am going to have to figure out a storage unit situation to put all of my painting stuff and the bed we have in there and the desk so that cousin can come. Maybe I can paint in the storage unit? ha :(
Oh well, such is life. This all just happened, and now I am feeling down about it and nervous about it and unsure about it. I am sure I will feel a lot better tomorrow when things are more figured out, and I get over my first world problems.
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